Elmo's house

11:31PM

well its been almost well lets just say pretty close to a year since I last wrote
I don't expect everything to be the same but I'll admit i'm scared of change and i know that I don't really want to realize it but I know that i'm not the same person i was a year ago to many things haev happend since then but so many things have happend in the last 2 months that i think i've grown (or at lest i'd like to think i have)more in the last 2 months than i have in a year (which to me is sad) i'v had to deal with new life and lost of 3 to think I'm only 16 and I have about 5 or 6 girls just a little bit older than me are going to be mothers i still don't understand it i guess maybe it'll hit me when I get the call its a girl! or its a boy! but i rather not comment on the rest. R.I.P to the ones we've lost on this long path of life i'd hope to see all of you soon and i'm sorry that you all had to go through such pain and i'm sorry that you never got a chance to actually live life the way it was ment to be. i hope that god has them close and that they know how much we love them.

people say life is hard so deal with it but the only ones that say that are the ones that can't

sounds bogus but it's true

Current mood: confused

Current music: 2 people debating about 50cent? don't ask

8:14AM

well its been a while since the last time I've written but in the past 2 weeks alot has happened I've met new people and have felt abandoned by old ones realizing the bitterness of change and I think is it me or them whom have changed? I'm unsure of that it's only been a week but the world has turned far to fast each waking day something unexpected happends like a phone call with disappointment an awaiting visit that doesn't show seeing and old friend with news of a new life just realizing that you have to grow up faster that you might have thought but you get the idea that you have to grow up in lifes perfect aspect of what life is suppose to be like and trying to live up to everyones expectations except your own I'm hoping that one day I won't make that same mistake its sad really but i'm just hoping that this would all change and things will be just as they were with old and new people in my life helping me with out abandonment in this new light in life just hoping that I won't have to walk this path alone

6:23AM - weird dream

I don't know I had a really weird dream this morning it was about my best friend and her boy friend they had some problems and well I always try to help her out but this time we were in front of her house and her boy friend was ther and me and him get along really well but I don't know they were fighting about something and I came up and told the both of them to calm down and they did they were both talking about changing for eachother and she said that he shouldn't be with with his friends and he said fine so then he told her that if that was the case that she shouldn't talk to me any more, now I've nown this girl for ever she like a sister to me but in the dream she agreed to it a I really couldn't belive it when I woke up I felt like if it actually happend I felt so sad and like if something was missing I don't know I guess that in a way sometimes I scared that one day shes just gonna forget about me and every thing which in my mind I know she wouldn't but I just don't know what this means. Help!!!

12:44PM - questionable

well things have been really cool with one of my friends I mean i thought she would be the type of person that I could trust I mean I introduced mi best friend to her but to day I found something out that I really would never expect her to do something like that but my "sister" was going out with this one guy and I kind of liked him I mean I went out with him once and left things the way they were then my "sis" went out with him and she liked him some and him never talked about it cuz well it didn't matter cuz well we didn't really click so then yesturday my "sis" calls to tell me that she broke up with him and I was just telling her why cuz he was really sweet and he treated her really well then today thet guys cousin tells me that he called my friend and that they ta;lked for like 3 hours now I know theres nothing wrong with talking but that supposably there going to kickit to eachother and her knowing that my "sis" just broke up with him not even a day later but the thing is I have to hear her side to I just really hope that what they told me isn't true

note: my "sis" is another friend.

3:28PM - weirdly, confused

today was strait but these past 2 weeks have been a little weird cuz well it all started with a dream I had about one of my good friends and I've known him like for ever and well I don't know I've been thinking about him alot lately and it's messed up cu I saw him with another girl and as much as I would like to deny it I got just a little jealous and the other thing is the same thing is happening with this guy and its weird cuz things were never clear between us cuz we both liked each other but we always just kind of walked around it I don't know maybe i just miss them but I'm just really confused right now and I don't really know what to do. yup I think thats it.